HELP what type of abuse is this, if it is?

To better understand the dynamics at play in this relationship, it may be helpful to read about attachment theory (Bowlby). It sounds as if attachment dynamics are playing out in this relationship. Your boyfriend professes his love for you and it feels as though you are closer than before. You probably respond in kind and pull even closer to him. He then abruptly pulls away with no explanation, leaving you confused and sad and feeling very alone and panicked. He may require this time away from you because your former closeness felt too close and scary to him. After a while, he also begins to feel alone and starts to miss you and so he returns. These dynamics in themselves, though not the most healthy, are not abusive - neither of you have an understanding of what is playing out. Once you do, it is quite possible you would try to change them. However, some of the other tactics of his that you describe DO sound abusive, in a way that is meant for him to exert power and control in your relationship. You start to question if you are unworthy and unlovable in response, which means you will work even harder to try to please him and prove you are worthy and lovable. This gives him even more power and control - to treat you badly, to make you do things for him, etc. in order to prove how worthy and lovable you are. The solution, in addition to learning about attachment and its role in your relationship, might be to also learn mindfulness skills. When you start to panic and fear losing him, for example, you might learn to counter this with rational thinking such as "I will be okay even if he is not around." There are many good books about mindfulness and counseling or psychoeducational classes could also be a good resource.